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when i walk with heads down
doesn't mean i'm emo

when i frown a lot
doesn't mean i'm depressed

just because i like gore
doesn't mean i'm gothic

i am who i feel i want to be

click on the "Not Emo!" to suit your mood.

Name : F.i.L.h.A.d.
Gender : Male
Height : 174.5 cm
Weight : 58 KG
School : Guangyang Pri
Anderson Sec
Class : 1605 2606 3307 4308
CCAs : Angklung ODAC Art Club


his wishlist

# pass both Maths
 # LIR5 to be less than 14
 # O Level Results
 # grow taller to 180cm
# get a fake tan
# whiten my teeth and align my jaw
# parfum/eau de parfum/eau de toilette
# a tight fitting white jeans (not skinnies)
# new shoes
# master the art of Blue Steel
# smile way more

It was 10:56 PM on a red Friday, July 28, 2006...

This week, is HECTIC!!! Man, i've been trying to my best of abilities to cope, but... You know i've been trying to sleep at 10 evry nite, bt evry tym i look at the watch it shows close to 10, den i try to do my hmwk asap so dat i can wrap da whole ting but evry single tym wen the hmwk of da dae is complete, its over 12. damnit. n bcoz of dat, i feel drowsy and in dreamland in school. high, u noe wad i mean. NAPFA was.... sad....

malay show n tell is just a freak. why cant we just stick to da damn old paper exams. Coz u noe, i dun hav a damn ting in my house dat is related to the malay culture. i dunno.... i juz dun....

lately i've been listening to lotssa trance music like get together by madonna and one word by kelly osbourne... i noe... which guys listen to dis rite?? hahak... my life, my control. tink da music is to suit my dreamland mood.

waaaa... i wan new maths teacher... i dun care i wan.......................

the leaves began to burn and no one spoke at all. but i can't seem to recall. when you gave me more...
Yes, you heard it first here.



It was 9:29 PM on a red Monday, July 17, 2006...

Today 2.4 km run not tiring... but i failed non the less! Argh... Y like dat... i alwaes fail by a few secs. this time... 30 secs... nevermind. this means dat i'll haf more tym to practise to get a C. aiming for goal. Yeah! :)

We haf soo many homewrk. Wad the hell lah... Extra holiday only one dae rite.Alamak. Burger arh. But at least we managed to complain to Mr Neo abt rambutan... Huahahak...

I love my box. Hehes, as in the box wer we kip da bks. n i tink my ustad is rite. Judgement dae is coming. for some reasons. Coz the lava smwer, tsunami in indon.
Yes, you heard it first here.



It was 11:05 PM on a red Friday, July 14, 2006...

I got top for Malay!! First time in a higher malay class i got highest.. yep3. but one more mark to get A1. Wasted sak. Juz now go solat jumaat the latest ever. we wen in oders went out. so we juz solat zohor.
My standing board jump suxs siak... by dat tiny 10 cm to get better. bt juz nw my leg seriously cramped up. till i fell to the ground seh. Den odac got do 2.4 km run somemore at YCK. Hey wait. i just realised YCK = Yio Chu Kang = Yeo Chee Kong... Huhahak..
Yes, you heard it first here.



It was 8:38 PM on a red Thursday, July 13, 2006...

Heyy... I just knew that 'Fil" actually means gajah in arab. so Filhad is? Gajah Had???
i really hate not having cable tv coz, yup, not only did i miss the world cup... but i wanna watch high school musical but cannot... Sian arh.
Juz nw Khairi's bandung flavoured yoghurt was quite nice... Though really weird.
Oh yah. The kari with the prata ayah bought tasted and smelled like minyak gamat. Really!
We cannot put our books on the table nimore coz Ms Lee thought of these "genius" ways to put all our books in a box and put them behind. So that is bad news coz i cannot sleep or play handphone in class anymore!!
Hrmm. Miss Sek called me homie. To complain lah. So tmrw must go ODAC. Sigh..
I really love the Miss Murder song but i cant really hear the lyrics. So here:

Hey Miss Murder can I?
Hey Miss Murder can I?
Make beauty stay if I
take my life?
whoa-oh-ohh

With just a look they shook
And heavens bowed before him.
Simply a look can break your heart.
The stars that pierce the sky;
He left them all behind.
We’re left to wonder why
He left us all behind.

Hey Miss Murder can I?
Hey Miss Murder can I?
Make beauty stay if I,take my life?
whoa-oh-ohh (ohh)

Dreams of his crash won’t pass
Or how they all adored him.
Beauty will last when spiraled down.
The stars that mystify
He left them all behind.
And how his children cry
He left us all behind.

Hey Miss Murder can I?
Hey Miss Murder can I?
Make beauty stay if I,take my life?
whoa-oh-ohh

What's the rift that twists within this furthest mystery?
I would gladly bet my life upon it.
At the cost of love your ray of light
Will fizzle out without hope.
When the empty sand just flowing through our empty skin,
And we're searching for what we were promised.
Reaching for the cold and rain we never let go,
They won't ever let us blow our filthy hands apart.

Hey Miss Murder can I?
Hey Miss Murder can I?
Make beauty stay if I,take my life?
whoa-oh-ohh

Hey Miss Murder can I?
Hey Miss Murder can I?
Make beauty stay if I,take my life?
whoa-oh-ohh
Yes, you heard it first here.



It was 4:15 PM on a red Tuesday, July 11, 2006...

Heyy miss murder can hide... nice song lah. i hate maths!!!! That... that... sigh. Juz nw malay exam was ok. the peribahasa part easy lah. bt the comprehension part quite hard... n my nose is dripping. damn i hate that. n guess wad? My anxiety, paranoia, pessimistism is cuming back. Wth lah. Den juz nw accompanied khairi to da office to go home. Den da rest of da day was juz slow mo.....
Yes, you heard it first here.



It was 5:16 PM on a red Wednesday, July 05, 2006...

Sitting at the back... is hot. Stupid small fan how to cool da whole place sey. Hrm. Now sitting near the geniuses of english. Oh yah. Maths.... ... is the lamest, most boring, time-wasting subject... ever. Da pict above is evidence. I'm gonna kill which ever examiner who passed him as a teacher. He would beat about the bush for what he's teaching. And spending 60 mins on a sum which we still dun understand at the end. If not for the maths txtbk, i will most prob fail maths dis term. Ms Yeo i miz u... Hahak.
Yes, you heard it first here.



It was 11:42 PM on a red Sunday, July 02, 2006...

F
FU
F**K
CK
K

Damnit. Today's such a jinxed day. Enough that I had to wake up early at 6.45 a.m. on a Sunday morning, enough that I am going to this madrasah where the people might be aliens to me. Went there with a racing heartbeat knowing that I am going to be pulau-ed, but heyy, its not even gonna happen. Cause you know why, cause at first I was the only guy in that freaking class. Then, the two other guys came. God they know each other I swear, so I was totally ignored. Heck with that. Just have a bad feeling that i'm never gonna enjoy spending time there... ever.
Yes, you heard it first here.



It was 12:53 AM on a red Saturday, July 01, 2006...

I want to go home. But nobody's home. There's where I lie. Broken inside. With no place to go. To dry my eyes. Broken inside...

Today. Life. Depressed. Wreakage. Whenever I reflect about my life, I feel so hollow. If not for the illusions I create inside my head probably it'll long ago be I have suicided. Sigh. Seems like life for me is for studies only. When other people's seem way better occupied. Perhaps I'm asking too much? Maybe this is the most god wants to give me.

So tired. Literally. P.E. ran three rounds around the school. Then during malay there was a fire drill. Got cooked. We all did. Think the effect could be the same should we have stayed in a fire then go to the parade square. Then I skipped ODAC. Hahak. Blue Monkey go away ah.
Yes, you heard it first here.