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when i walk with heads down
doesn't mean i'm emo

when i frown a lot
doesn't mean i'm depressed

just because i like gore
doesn't mean i'm gothic

i am who i feel i want to be

click on the "Not Emo!" to suit your mood.

Name : F.i.L.h.A.d.
Gender : Male
Height : 174.5 cm
Weight : 58 KG
School : Guangyang Pri
Anderson Sec
Class : 1605 2606 3307 4308
CCAs : Angklung ODAC Art Club


his wishlist

# pass both Maths
 # LIR5 to be less than 14
 # O Level Results
 # grow taller to 180cm
# get a fake tan
# whiten my teeth and align my jaw
# parfum/eau de parfum/eau de toilette
# a tight fitting white jeans (not skinnies)
# new shoes
# master the art of Blue Steel
# smile way more

It was 10:34 PM on a red Monday, January 30, 2006...

hello... 2dae's a holiday... Yay! 2dae my kuzzies dtg... Ytd go maksu's hse... Actually i dun feel lyk blogging... Nt lyk i even haf anitng to tell bout... Niwae d mon really suxs.. As in last mon... Shall not tell you y coz it's so embarassing... Den d tues was ok... 3rd lang getting more n more boring... Wad wif rohit der toking crap... Im sorry bt i juz haf to sae dat... Mt honest opinion... oh yah aft 3rd lang me n ganesh walked outta d gate 2geder... Den ganesh dared me to walk on d road... So i did... Den a car horn seh... Aper sajer... tapi jauh... Den wen i naik kn, dier pusing d oder wae.. Bkn nyer nk jln pun... Lol.. how bout i tok liddat?? Lol... U noe i'm typing vely2 slowly... Hmwk pun lum uat... N last last tues oso aft 3rd lang at d bustop i sit ah... Den got dis 2 2/9 guys and a sec 3 gal... Dey were toking2 den d gal sat nxt to me... Den she looked at my mr bean wallpaper n asked u lyk mr bean ah... Lol... Funny seh... Den d weds got dc... For being late... Quite ok ah... Lap2 here.. D makcik quite nice lah... d fri was concert dae... To tink i was d only 3 ppl in my class to wear baju kurung... So malu seh... At 1st in d morn i was lyk seriously thinking was i suffering frm some brain desease n got d date mixed up or smthg... Sigh... Thk god no... Was ready to change outta it bt den wen khairi oso wear jus wear oso ah... D concert was nice... Except belo's makeup... ERm... Nvm... Bt she looked weird lah... So guess dis is it... N oh dis new blogskin... I got frm here n der n edit for my own... Hope dun get lyk, sued or smthng... Niwae adieu...
Yes, you heard it first here.



It was 2:29 PM on a red Saturday, January 21, 2006...

Heya... Such a long tym since i last blogged... da couple of daes were aite... Haish... da cycle of lyf... eng is rockin'... learnt to b passionate about writing... For da 1st tym in my whole lyf i can b depressed in my writing... dis is my first writing dis yr...

Big, spacious and cold. Dusty, packed and warm. Magnificent.The one in a million, the hall. Cloning my second classroom. Humour, excitement, but with the occasional essence of sadness. With the absence of the teachers, this hall could not be. The air-con, freezing my insides. The heat of the pupil, liquifying my blood. The movement of my life, the hall.

Lol... That so crap... My second one...

The beat of my heart goes thum-thum-thum, thum-thum-thum, thum-thum-thum... All day long...long and long... It seems forever. Never conflicting with what happens around me. Stoned. Frozen. The things I do, needless to say, can be achieved with the non-existence of the brain. Thum-thum-thum. Will it ever change? Don't ask me. Ask my soul. Wait a minute, where are you soul? Been searching... Dig my grave and call me out when people starts yelling "hi how are you?", when people around me weep for one another. The world has changed... again. The beat of my footstep. Coordinating with me. To walk a different path. Yet not to be.

And you know the 3rd writing was a personal recount... Gosh i can't believe i actually wrote abt a love story... Regretting... Niwae nw i can focus more on my studies... Thk god... Bt sci is d most complicating of all subjects... Yeah, more than matns... What with the atoms, the molecules, the protons, neutrons, electrons, the chemical formula and stuffs... Bt i'll cope... i hope. The last two days... Gosh i can't blive the seating arrangement is changed again... I'm lyk so freaking pissed... We now sit in this L-shaped arrangement... 5 ppl per grp... Me sit nxt to bryan n noone else on da oder side... Omg its so boring... Yawned till real tears come out... I mean puay ying, danny, madu n bryan will be toking... N i'm lyk on the oder side by myself... N summore the past few daes dis 4 china ppl come n bryan has a buddy... N sits beside him n i'm lyk summore pushed away... N dis guy dunno hw to speak eng... Lyk not at all... And ppl sae i look lyk him... N i dun lyk dat... Last yr was fauzi n nw dis?! Bt luckily he's gone... Bt hidayah was lyk d guy so cute... N summore she asked bryan to tell him dat she tinks he's cute... Lol... Niwae dey all haf red cheeks... So cute liddat... N wad sameul said i was cute... Lyk puppy dog cute n i was lyk wad?! Dun freak me out n stuffs... Freak... Bt odac was kindda fun... First we ran den naik 29 floors... Thk god d rain fell or else kenna do more... know, i plan to get a gold dis yr... For napfa lah... So far tis yr my runnig ok... Been cuming in the top 7 evrytym i ran... Ok so it was only 3 runs... Bt gonna push myself more... Ya know, to think the person whom i considered as my closest and kindest wld b da one i now treat as not more than a mere statue... N dey do da same to me too... Haish... N da person whom i tot i wld neva be able to talk to, i did... So, coz of dat... I'm freaked... Coz i realized dat i dunno wad life has for me...
Yes, you heard it first here.



It was 4:28 PM on a red Wednesday, January 04, 2006...

I am lonely... I am very lonely... By the time you read this letter, I would have already been dead having jumped plummeted down the river...

Lol.. Just kidding... Even though I'm stressed up right now I won't do something as stupid as commiting suicide... That phrase was adapted from an old movie "Betlegeuse" by the way... Nice movie... Ok I'm trying to buck up on my English so that's why I'm not using shortforms in this post... Though yesterday rocks was fun, today was not... Oh my god it's been a long time since I realised that I was so lonely... Ergh In the first two lessons was pretty alright... but when it came to malay... Sigh... We took like, 15 minutes or so finding the class... But anyway I was appointed the malay representative... For my class that is... How could that ever be? I do not know myself... But the worst part was recess... Alone... Totally alone i was... Walking like a zombie trying to hide my shame and sadness... Went down to canteen... Alone... Watching how others were having fun with others.... Felt sad... Totally... Cued up at the bookshop for no reason and went away halfway through... Then went to class... Empty... No human being around... Sat down at my place... No apetite to eat... Was halfway through crying... When suddenly the door just opened... In came two people... "Fadhil what are you doing here alone thats so lame you should be socializing" Haish.... And with that a tear actually rolled down my cheeks... I don't know why but it did... Wiped it off quickly... Could you imagine that... For the first time in school i cried... Shame on me... Haish... But I guess the rest of the day was ok... Got to go now... Adieu...
Yes, you heard it first here.