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when i walk with heads down
doesn't mean i'm emo

when i frown a lot
doesn't mean i'm depressed

just because i like gore
doesn't mean i'm gothic

i am who i feel i want to be

click on the "Not Emo!" to suit your mood.

Name : F.i.L.h.A.d.
Gender : Male
Height : 174.5 cm
Weight : 58 KG
School : Guangyang Pri
Anderson Sec
Class : 1605 2606 3307 4308
CCAs : Angklung ODAC Art Club


his wishlist

# pass both Maths
 # LIR5 to be less than 14
 # O Level Results
 # grow taller to 180cm
# get a fake tan
# whiten my teeth and align my jaw
# parfum/eau de parfum/eau de toilette
# a tight fitting white jeans (not skinnies)
# new shoes
# master the art of Blue Steel
# smile way more

It was 10:52 PM on a red Saturday, July 30, 2005...

hey... I finally decide to post a real post... hahak... today i went to madrasah... Madrasah improving loads... Not as boring as before... Woots! Den went go home i found out dat my mum bought Nokia 7610!!! OMG i want!! Bt no, she's gonna sell it... Den eat sup tulang... Yummy... My hands lyk got wear henna n my lips lyk wear lipstick... Disgusting... N oh, my sis lyk d coffin i gav her for her bdae!! YaY!! Hahk.. It's a hp pouch in d shape of a coffin... Kewl huh?? Aliya sold it to me... She bought at More Den Words for $9.50... I oso gave my sis the bravery cd... And oh, i miss ammar so much!! I use d big minnie mouse bear dat my sis got and use it to do wadeva ammar wld do... Hahak... Crazy... I dokong it and make it pull my specs juz d way ammar wld... Den i made it play cheek-a-boo... N i made it crawl n walk n run... Den i dress it up in my dad's baju n made it "fly" ard wifout its leg n terperanjat my sis... Hahak... Den i luff to myself loudly... Dunno wad state of mind i was in... Hahak... So i guess dats all for now... N oh, blow is ammar's pic...


6 mths old
Yes, you heard it first here.



It was 9:54 PM on a red ...

A MAN ESCAPES FROM PRISON WHERE HE HAS BEEN FOR 15 YEARS.

HE BREAKS INTO A HOUSE TO LOOK FOR MONEY AND GUNS AND FINDS A YOUNG
COUPLE
IN BED.






HE ORDERS THE GUY OUT OF BED AND TIES HIM TO A CHAIR. WHILE TYING THE
GIRL
TO THE BED HE GETS ON TOP OF HER, KISSES HER NECK, THEN GETS UP AND
GOES
INTO THE BATHROOM.








WHILE HE'S IN THERE, THE HUSBAND TELLS HIS WIFE: "LISTEN, THIS GUY'S
AN ESCAPED CONVICT, LOOK AT HIS CLOTHES! HE PROBABLY SPENT LOTS OF TIME
IN JAIL AND HASN'T SEEN A WOMAN IN YEARS. I SAW HOW HE KISSED YOUR NECK.
IF HE WANTS SEX, DON'T RESIST, DON'T COMPLAIN, DO WHATEVER HE TELLS YOU.
SATISFY HIM NO MATTER HOW MUCH HE NAUSEATES YOU. THIS GUY IS PROBABLY
VERY DANGEROUS. IF HE GETS ANGRY, HE'LL KILL US. BE STRONG, HONEY. I LOVE
YOU"








TO WHICH THE WIFE RESPONDS: "HE WASN'T KISSING MY NECK. HE WAS
WHISPERING
IN MY EAR. HE TOLD ME HE WAS GAY, THOUGHT YOU WERE CUTE, AND ASKED IF
WE
HAD ANY VASELINE. I TOLD HIM IT WAS IN THE BATHROOM. BE STRONG HONEY.
I LOVE YOU TOO!!"
Yes, you heard it first here.



It was 9:49 PM on a red ...

A girl asked a guy if he thought she was pretty, he
said...no. She asked
him if he would want to be with her
forever....and he said no.
She then asked him if she were to
leave would he cry, and once again he
replied with a no.
She had heard enough.
As she walked away, tears streaming
down her face the boy grabbed
her arm and said....
You're not pretty.... you're beautiful.
I dont want to be with you forever.
I NEED to be with you forever.
And I wouldnt cry if you walked away...
I'd die...


Yes, you heard it first here.



It was 10:40 PM on a red Friday, July 29, 2005...


Hey... Shld i wear dis smiley mask of spongebob's?? Hehk... I feel crap... Dun feel lyk blogging now... Haish... Y did dey haf to change seating arrangements again?! I am soooo gonna kill d hueva person dat made dis arrangement... I was oredi settling in my place lerr den change again... Haish... Den 2dae got d freaky 2.4Km run... Dunno y my legs were damned tired for no reason... Wad's d passsing mark 4 guys aged 12?? I did 4th round den it was oredi 14 smting liao... Haish... Imagine dat... Sooo pathetic... Chest and stomache pain oredi... As in really pain... Bt so walked... Haish... Den finish at 18 smting... Failed! I failed! Haish... Grow so tall for what purpose seh?? Haiz.. How many tyms did i sigh in dis post?? hmm, 5 tyms... Wadeva lah, adieu!
Yes, you heard it first here.



It was 12:46 PM on a red Sunday, July 24, 2005...

Hey, been stressed loads... I gotta finish reading d stewpid white fang bk in one day!! Argh! Imagine having to read 200 pages in our dae?! argh! Smmore d unabridged ver. one... Haish... I'm nt stewpid ok, its d only bk i cld find... N i dunno y am i blogging instead of reading... Haish... Den got to do sm stewpid summary n "interview" d author of d bk... Gosh, hw stewpid can a person be?! 4 my sake he's oredi long dead!!! Stewpid thoo... Or rather senile thoo... Haish... Dunno wad's happening in life... It's nt realistic anymore... Life is getting more n more lyk an act on a stage... Everyting comes, everyting goes... All in a melodramatic waves of clatters... I dun make sense do i?? Nvmind... Can love be forced?? Can it can it?? I dunno... Dat question is being replayed over in my head... If love can be forced, wad a paradise dis world will be... If only anger doesnt exist... Haish... Pity... Stewpid ppl... Discriminate me den say u love me... Wad d f?! U upset me greatly, grew me a hatred so strong n aft dat u wan me... Haish... Whirlwind in my head... Wen u lyk someone u can't take dat feeling away... D same way u can't juz paste love onto someone... U can't control me, u cant, u cant... Believe me wen i sae i dun lyk u... Get lost rite now!! Haish... Ppl are getting so cunning... Need to upgrade my sarcaticism... Bye for now...
Yes, you heard it first here.



It was 9:34 PM on a red Friday, July 22, 2005...

Hey... 2dae basically it was bad bt nt dat bad... Was racial harmony dae today so wear baju kurung hijau... Den inside d bus ppl look juz bcoz i wear baju kurung... Dats y i hate wearing baju kurung... So baggy... Den wen reach skool only d malay n indian gals n prakeash n me wear outside clothes... den during flagraising was damn long lor... Den so hot somemore... Seriously felt lyk wanna pengsan... Neva eat wad do u expect? So i was to blame... Den 1st lesson was hist... Neo let us watch d DVD... Den maths ms yeo koled me infront to write d solution for d question wif * which means difficult... I neva do as hmwk! So i juz stood infront der n write anyhow... Surprisingly it was quite rite except 4 2 careless mistake in calculation... Den we go to d "canteen" aka "hall"... Bof are such wrong words to describe that place... Den i was so ALONE!!! Felt so bad... Walk2 ard lyk org giler seh... Haiz... Den i sweat lyk shit coz so hot... Den follow ganesh go library... Den sit wif ZH n Eddie n Samuel... Got beaten n scratched by ZH!! Argh! Until nw scratch marks still der u noe... Den go to d fitness corner wif ganesh n ZH... Do wad dunno arh... Den wanted to go library bt closed open only 4 upper sec ppl... So went into klas listen to walkman wif ganesh... Den play UNO wif dayah, vickky n ganesh... Den anish came in... I'm surprised he noe my name... Heplayed wif my fone 4 awhile den ganesh n co. went off... Den wen i go sembahyang alone n smmore had to carry d ipw tings... So big seh bwk dlm bas pun langgar2 org... Bt nvmind ah nw dey cannot accuse me of nt doing anyting... So ya dat's basically d dae 4 me 2dae...



I've woken now, to find myself in d shadows all of i have created...

I wanted to, be lost in you... Juztake me awayfrm me...
Yes, you heard it first here.



It was 4:08 PM on a red Friday, July 15, 2005...

Hey all! Lemme tok bout d past days k?? Friday was quite an ok day ah... Bt malay was damn boring... Faked smiles lots... Den 1st wen to solat jumaat alone... Den saw matin n azizan n 2 oder sec 3 guys... So sat wif dem... After dat was odac... N 4 d very 1st tym in my life i toked during odac!! It was such a miracle... Lol... Then during odac ran 4 rounds oredi tired lyk wad... Kepala dah denyut, dada dah sakit... Den dat guy teach ask i got asthma annot bt i sae no... Dunno y bother lying... So we were released 1hr earlier... Took d bus n went home...


Then on sat, i skipped madrasah!! Happy sak... Hahak... Then Sun go atuk rahman's hse... AMMAR!!! He was sho cute... Bah. He juz makes my day... Then on Mon, no maths! Was nt dat stress... Bt had art n i had to team up wif hidayah... 0_0 Sad reallie... Bt on d contrary it was kindda fun ah... Den aft skool meet-up 4 malay project... Bt 1st ashraf played yu-gi-oh, so went into his klas... Bt didnt kol him to d meeting straight away... I waited till he finish playing... Lol... Den he scold me 4 nt telling him earlier... Actually i purposely didnt tell him coz i dun reallie wanna go n actually wanted to put d blame on him... So bad ah me... Bt tak smpai hati ah... So went to d library saw alot of malay gals bt only hidayah frm our team... At first Cat was der bt later dunno wer she go... N aft dat liya n nazira n aisha joined us... Quite fun ah actually...

And on tues, a bad day it was... In d morning it was oredi raining bt lucky nt late... 1st lesson history... Boring lyk wad seh... Den neo took my bk n show it on d visualiser... Bt pretended i dunno anyting wen got wrong ans... Den aft dat was science practical... Had to find d volume of d rock... Boring... Den was malay... Naf's grp teaching peribahasa dunno wad lah... Den some of her teachings were supposed to b thought by izzah's grp... Den she bad mood coz had to skip alot of slides... Scary u noe to see her face... Lol... Den aft dat was efl better known as s**uality education... I was alone... Cld u imagine dat?? I was alone while oders had deir frens in a room wer dey teach bout dat... Haish... Felt so bad dat i didnt even eat wif ganesh or azizan... Instead i bought twisties n sat under d block far far away frm skool... Was stress... Den d hujan came... Very lebat wif d petir... i was lyk damn shit lesson starting in 5 mins tym... So dun care walk under d rain ah... Bt wen reach skool teacher oso havent come... Haish... Bt aft dat played in d rain... Ganesh was so scared of d rain... Den was damn wet... I'm sorie aliya i noe i am a silly boy bt cldnt b helped bah d rain was so irresistable... It was so cooling n i felt totally relaxed under d water... Bt den wen lesson start it was damn cold... Wonder if i wld realie freeze annot... So asked for a break n went out... Got d lion dance ppl n badminton... Buat pening kpala je seh lion dance punyer drum tu... Kuat sngt... Bt aft dat went home alone... N 2dae nuting much happen cause i dun feel lyk doing anyting... So adieu for nw...
Yes, you heard it first here.



It was 5:07 PM on a red Wednesday, July 13, 2005...

Hi! I'm sorry if i didnt tok much todae... Juz wanted to be alone... Today 1st lesson was sci... Very boring... Didnt bring or rather didnt get d sci wksht bt manage to escape... Den after dat was hist... Veri boring n i yawned alot until my kepala denyut oredi... Den recess got no mood dunno y... Den after recess reading tym bt didn read look ard d klas... Den d drama ppl got to go away frm d klas to d drama competition... Hmph! Not fair... Den after dat was eng thoo was lyk so, looney... Bt me n my neighbour, vicknesh laugh at some stewpid antics of thoo thoo kueh... Den after dat maths... I was very very despo for ans... Vicknesh oso dunno... Den aliya nt der... Plus got dis one xta trainee teach walk ard d klas... Look at ppl's work... So had to pretend to write smting... 20 mins felt lyk 20 hrs seh... Den my headache come back... Den after dat JW... Topic : Olympic... Lyk wad seh... It's only nxt yr wad... So i dunno wad i write bout wer its gonna take place nxt yr n 2012... N some other craps... David beckham coming to S'pore lah dunno lah... Den bell ring... I wanted to get away frm d crowd n b left alone for some tym so decided to walk instead of taking d bus... Den buy thins twisties keropok... Den heard d laughter of two gals... Den saw her n dis oder gal... Was it u Hudidoo?? Sorie my vision nt very good..
Yes, you heard it first here.



It was 9:28 AM on a red Tuesday, July 12, 2005...

Hey, i'm in skool now... Suppose to do some rangoli shit bt hu cares? Hehe... Detention detention ah... Dun care lol... Der's nuting to do... Mdm waheeda didn't come so we ask ms lam to bring us to d library... Hahak... Den dunno do wad in library... N dis keyboard space button is nt working... Ok ah i gtg... Recess nw... Adieu... Nw listening to britney spears... Hahak.. Bye!
Yes, you heard it first here.



It was 4:11 PM on a red Friday, July 08, 2005...

Hi! Ok i dunno y bt i tink i haf been very nice dis past few daes... I didnt scold any vulgarities 4 lyk 13 days straight... Heh ok lemme tok bout ytd... 1st lesson had maths... Did corrections n aliya was lyk evry nw n den looking at me asking do u understand do u need help? Lol... Cute lah u... Dun worry if i need help i will b sure to ask u k? Thank u soo much... Den after recess was MT... Tot Cikgu esfan tk dtg seh... 1/6 Malay's was so happy sey... Den wen we went down to Lvl 1 saw dis big, round figure wif due respect ;) of cikgu esfan... Felt soo disappointed n panickky! Didnt do karangan.. Evry1 was lyk going ard asking did u do karangan?? Lol... Den mr esfan sae he wan dat karangan by 3 p.m. on dat veri dae... Ok lah, considering i do need to stay back...


Yay! Aliya join CSP! Happy nyer! N oh after school ate as usual d instant noodle wif bbl tea for $2 with ganesh n pradeep n azizan... Betta stop eating instant noodle... Dis 2 wks alone i had 5 cups of instant noodle.. Cant b help lah, its soo nice... Anywae after buying food got no other place to sit except beside dis chair n table beside dis whole grp of 'mats' not mat rets... Bt still it's bothersome to sit beside dem... So wen ard looking 4 place den nearly bump into her... I stopped in lyk half a metre n go d oder wae... Phew... Dunno wad might happen if didnt stop in tym.. Brrr... Den go to 4/9, got AIR-CON!! Love it... Den do d norm stuffs.. Boring.. Den wen home ALONE bt saw aliya n sofihah in d bus...


Ok todae, was early congratulations to me frm ZH 4 being earlier den daryl 4 d 1st tym in my hist... Lol... Den after flag-raising... Teletubies aka Mr Ang koled me... He tot i hadnt done my runs 4 being late d previous 2 daes... Stupid larh... Make me stand infront der wait 4 him den he ask y i late lah blah blah... He even tot i was late 3 tyms... So i sae i got do punishment oredi den he let me go... Stupid sey... Waste my tym onli... Den hist luckily Mr Neo havent come yet... Den Maths do origami as usual wen it comes to origami i give up... I HATE ORIGAMI!!! Lol... Den recess dunno do wad i was onli half conscious as i was sleepy... Den after dat got sci learn bout time n pendulum n stuff lyk dat... After dat HMT... Veri boring oso did d kefahaman... Was left wif ONE qns wen d bell rang... Hahak.. Den follow azizan n asraf go put smting in pigeon hole... Wen going up saw her going up too... Man shld haf known... Den i was standing at d door dat leads to d staircase wen she came... She was rite infront of me... Den her friend oso der... N as usual her fren looked at me in dat manner dunno y... Argh! Nvm... Den after dat go muttaqin... Veri boring lah... Den reach home n go onlyn n now typing out dis post... Hahak.. Shld end here... Bye!
Yes, you heard it first here.



It was 5:51 PM on a red Wednesday, July 06, 2005...

Ola! Long tym neva update... Bt lemme juz tok bout today aite?
It was how shld i put it, B-O-R-I-N-G... I arrived late again today... Haish... Stupid lah, nt my fault pe... 6.40 i oredi get out of d hse... Usual tym pe... Den wait 17 mins for dat 88 bus... By dat tym it was oredi 6.57... Den reach d 265 bus dunno wad tym... Wen reached skool amol came to me... Said Major Chong wanted to see me, said he wanted to shout at me or smting... Make me suspense jek... I mean he did wanna see me lah bt he oly asked me to run... 10 rounds of shuttle run, outside of d upper sec block... Buat malu jer seh... Lol.. Mayb i deserve it or smting according to aliya... cheh.. n rite after dat running was sci... I felt so hot oredi n was as wet as wen i juz got out of d swimming pool... N i HAD to enter frm d front door... Ms Sek was at d door oredi den she cld still ask me y am i late... So i said kena punish ah lyk DUH y else wld i b so wet... So i walk thru d aisle (cheh-dah) n i felt even hotter cause ppl r looking at me... Dun blame dem though... Wonder if any water was dripping frm my clothes... Haish... So sci was boring... Den i tink it was hist or smting... Cldnt reallie rmbr... Didnt even get d tym-table yet.. Aper seh, muz check out tym table frm d front... heh, anywae... Den wen recess, as usual, my usual hide-out, my seat... Ate roti hotdog n listen to my discman... Den sms tqah n eva n ismawati n dalin n qatrina... Ish, dey pass my nmbr ard seh... didn't even ask me 4 my permission... Den dey tok d same ting each asking me d same qns... Lyk deejavu(rite or wrong spelling?)lyk dat... So after dat eng i tink... boring... Had oral dunno wen my turn is gonna eva come... Den after dat cant rmbr lah... So after skool went to amk lib ALONE... Dunno y... Bt i haf been alone dis past few mths... Veri sad u noe... *sob* Hahak... So went to amk lib juz to return back d bk... Last dae oredi... Den went back home feeling totally depressed of myself... Haish... Bt later cheered up lah... Thks aliya for ur encouragement... N so wen i reach home i was alone... Mum at meeting n dad at wk n sis at skool... So listen 2 d radio at full blast... I lyk... Lol... Till here, ADIEU...


I love u endlessly...
N u werent der 4 me...
So now its tym to leave...
I noe dat i can take no more...
I wanna see u out dat door...
Baby bye bye bye...
Yes, you heard it first here.



It was 9:52 PM on a red Saturday, July 02, 2005...

Hi! School started n it wasnt exactly dat gd... It was lyk i suddenly entered another realm... All coz of gang hao ah put me at dat spot... I'm totally innocent y put me der? Haiz.. Bt since he broke down n in under loads of pressure i 4give him... Kay i wanna speak malay it muz haf karat alot... I'd live n i'd die 4 u... Nice... Ok ah, melayu... Pada hari Isnin saya tidak tahu bahawa kami telah diutuskan untuk mengikut jadual baru... Hey not bad, dat took only 3 mins to typ dat 1 sentence... Usually it takes 5... Abeh aku lak kene ddk sbelah vickneshWARI... Mampoz... Boring siot... N sbelah aku Aliya, depan leanord, sbelah leanord on d left gang hao n on d rite yi yin... ader alvin n daryl jugak ah... Tapi siak seh... Boring! So in skool it was shutting up dats all... During recess walk ard in circles dunno go wer oso... Wer did all my frens go? Haish... So go ard in circles mcm dah kena sampuk sah... Haish... Happy giler bler dah kul 1.35... haish... N i did d unthinkable, i tok to aquiarium... Haish... I miss d old library which i had owayz seek refuge in... Now nower... Sedih sedih... Hey hey, Bye bye bye bye bye... I wanna end dis entry here... Adieu!!!
Yes, you heard it first here.